Caregiving and your career — managing work while managing care

This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. Every family situation is different, and you should consult with appropriate professionals about your specific circumstances.

You're sitting in a meeting at work, and your phone buzzes. Your parent's doctor's office is calling. You silence the phone, but it's vibrating in your pocket, and you're pulled out of the meeting, wondering if something is wrong. You missed another deadline because you had to leave early for your parent's appointment. Your boss is starting to ask questions about your productivity. You're caught between two full-time jobs, and both of them are demanding your attention and your presence.

The intersection of caregiving and career is one of the most challenging realities for many people. You need the income. You probably love your work or at least depend on it for your identity and your adult life. But caregiving is also demanding and urgent and often doesn't fit into a nine-to-five schedule. Something has to give, and usually, it's your peace of mind.

The numbers show that caregiving affects work for the majority of people who are doing both. Some people cut their hours. Some people turn down promotions or opportunities for advancement. Some people leave the workforce entirely. Some people stay at their jobs but are less productive, less engaged, and more stressed. A lucky few figure out a way to manage both without completely sacrificing either one.

Being Honest About What's Sustainable

The first step is being honest with yourself about what's actually sustainable. Can you keep doing your job the way you've been doing it while also caregiving the way you've been caregiving? If the answer is no, then something has to change. And you have to be the one to initiate that change, because neither your job nor your parent's care needs are going to suddenly become less demanding.

This might mean talking to your employer about options. Some jobs offer flexibility that could help. Could you work from home some days? Could you shift your hours so you come in later or leave later, depending on when your parent needs you? Could you work part-time for a while? Could you use your vacation days and sick days in strategic ways? Could you take a medical leave if you're the one who's sick from caregiving stress?

You might be protected by the Family and Medical Leave Act, which allows you to take up to twelve weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave per year to care for a family member with a serious health condition. Not all jobs are covered by FMLA, and you have to meet certain requirements, but if you're eligible, this is valuable protection. Talk to your HR department about what this might look like for you.

You might also be protected by state laws that provide additional protection or flexibility for caregivers. Some states have passed caregiver leave laws. It's worth researching what's available in your state.

But even if you have legal protections and job flexibility, there's often an unspoken cost to using them. Taking leave or reducing hours or being honest about needing flexibility can affect how people see you at work. They might think you're less committed. They might worry about your productivity. They might pass you over for opportunities. This is unfair, and it's also real, and you have to decide what you're willing to accept.

Making Intentional Choices

Some people decide that protecting their caregiving is worth a career cost. Some people decide that their career is too important to sacrifice and so they stretch themselves thin trying to do both. Some people decide that they need to leave their job entirely to manage caregiving. There's no one right answer. What matters is that you're making an intentional choice rather than just defaulting to trying to do everything.

If you do stay in your job while caregiving, you need strategies to manage the competing demands. You need a system for handling the caregiving tasks that come up during your workday. Maybe you block off certain times to return phone calls to doctors' offices. Maybe you do all the appointment scheduling during lunch on a specific day. Maybe you have certain days when you're available for urgent caregiver issues and other days when you're not.

You also need to be honest with your boss about what's happening. You don't need to share all your personal details, but your boss needs to understand that you have caregiving responsibilities that sometimes affect your work. This might be as simple as saying, "I have a parent who's aging, and I might need flexibility around appointments occasionally," or it might be more detailed depending on your relationship with your boss and your workplace culture.

You need to protect your reputation and your productivity as much as you can. If you're going to miss deadlines, communicate about it early. If you're going to need to leave early, plan for coverage. If you're going to need to work from home, make sure your work is still getting done. The goal is to be as reliable as possible given the constraints you're working under. This is hard because caregiving often has emergencies that you can't plan for.

You also need to be realistic about what work means right now. You might not be able to give your job the same level of focus and energy you once did. You might not be able to take on new projects or move into a more demanding role. You might not be able to compete with colleagues who don't have caregiving responsibilities. This is temporary, though it might not feel like it. Eventually, the intensive caregiving phase will end, and you can reassess your career.

For now, the goal might be to keep your job and do a competent job in it, without trying to be your best self or move forward in your career. This is not failure. This is realistic. You're doing two full-time jobs. You're not going to excel at both.

Work as Refuge

Some people find that work is actually a relief from caregiving. It's the part of your day where you're not thinking about your parent's medical care. It's where you have competence and structure and adult interaction. Protecting this space is important for your mental health. You need somewhere to be something other than a caregiver.

But sometimes caregiving needs are so urgent and overwhelming that they overshadow your ability to work at all. If this is happening, you might need to consider other options. Could you take medical leave? Could you reduce to part-time? Could you use vacation time? Could you temporarily leave your job? These options come with financial consequences and other challenges, but sometimes they're what's needed to actually survive caregiving.

You might also need to talk to your family about financial support. If you're not able to work because of caregiving, is your parent able to contribute financially? Are siblings able to step up? Is there inheritance that could be used to support you during this time? These conversations are uncomfortable, but they might be necessary.

The Bottom Line

The reality is that caregiving and career are often in tension, and there's no perfect solution. You have to figure out what works for your specific situation and what you're willing to sacrifice. What you should not do is silently sacrifice yourself trying to do both perfectly. Something will have to give, and it might as well be something you choose rather than something that just collapses under the weight of impossible demands.

Your career matters. Your income matters. Your professional identity matters. And your caregiving also matters. But you can't sacrifice yourself completely on the altar of doing both. You need to find a way forward that allows you to stay sane and take care of yourself while also managing these competing demands.

How To Help Your Elders is an educational resource. We do not provide medical, legal, or financial advice. The information in this article is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation.