This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. Every family situation is different, and you should consult with appropriate professionals about your specific circumstances.

Elder Financial Abuse — The Crime That Happens in Plain Sight

Financial abuse of an elderly person isn't like robbery. Nobody's breaking into the house at midnight wearing a mask. It's quieter than that, and more personal, and more likely to be someone your parent actually trusts. It's a grandchild who "borrows" money repeatedly and never pays it back. It's a caregiver who has power of attorney and starts making decisions that benefit them more than your parent. It's a family member who convinces your parent to change their will. It's a charming person your parent met online who asks your parent to send money for a financial emergency that never quite resolves.

Financial abuse happens in broad daylight, and it's one of the most common forms of elder abuse in America. The difference between financial abuse and other crimes is that financial abuse is often committed by someone your parent knows and trusts. It happens slowly, sometimes over months or years. It's often rationalized by both the abuser and the victim: "I'm just helping with bills," or "It's an investment opportunity," or "I'll pay you back when I can." By the time your parent realizes something is wrong, tens of thousands of dollars might be gone.

The hardest part about financial abuse is recognizing it while it's happening. Abuse doesn't announce itself. It looks like helping, or like normal family financial entanglement, or like your parent making their own choices about their money. But there are patterns and warning signs that, when you know what to look for, become clearer.

Tracking Your Parent's Money

The foundation of protecting your parent from financial abuse is understanding what your parent's finances actually look like. This isn't about being nosy or controlling. It's about being able to notice when something changes.

Organize your parent's financial information in one place. Create a spreadsheet or document with the following information: what bank accounts does your parent have, what investment accounts, what insurance policies, what debts? Include the approximate balance for each if you can find that information. Include who has access to each account. Include whether beneficiaries are named on accounts.

Know what your parent's income sources are. Social Security, pension, part-time work, rental property, investment income, family gifts. How much comes in each month? When does it arrive? Your parent should know these answers off the top of their head, and you should understand them well enough to notice if something changes.

Know what your parent's regular expenses are. Housing costs, utilities, food, insurance, healthcare, entertainment. What does your parent spend on monthly? Year to year, those numbers should be relatively stable unless your parent's circumstances change. A sudden large increase in spending might be normal or might be a red flag.

Bank statements and credit card statements are the truth of your parent's financial life. Collect them, review them, understand what's being purchased and when. If your parent has agreed to share financial information with you, ask to receive statements monthly. If your parent won't share financial information, that's your parent's right, but it's also a barrier to noticing problems.

Ask your parent directly about their finances. "Mom, how much are you spending on groceries each month?" "Dad, how much do you have in savings?" These conversations are normal in close families and should start happening even if your parent is currently healthy and managing well. Don't wait until crisis mode to start asking.

Understand whether your parent has made major gifts or large transfers lately. A gift to a grandchild for college is different from a sudden transfer of $50,000 to someone your parent met online. One might be normal. One is a red flag.

Managing Day-to-Day Finances

If your parent has granted you power of attorney or you're otherwise involved in managing finances, establish clear records. When you pay a bill, document it. When your parent spends money, have a record of it. When you make decisions about your parent's money, write down what you decided and why. These records protect your parent and protect you. They show that decisions were made thoughtfully and in your parent's interest.

If you have access to your parent's accounts, make sure you know what accounts exist and what's in them. Some elderly people have multiple accounts they've forgotten about. Some have accounts that haven't been used in years. Some have accounts they opened and intended to fund but never did. Get a complete picture.

Talk to your parent about major financial decisions. If your parent's regular expenses are about $3,000 a month and your parent suddenly wants to send $10,000 to a charity you've never heard of, ask questions. "Tell me about this charity. How did you learn about them? What do they do? Is this something you want to do?" The goal isn't to control your parent. The goal is to make sure your parent is making informed decisions about their own money.

Establish a system for paying bills if your parent is having difficulty managing them. This prevents late fees, collection agencies, and the stress of overdue bills. It also gives you insight into what your parent is spending and makes it harder for anyone to secretly redirect money.

Review your parent's accounts regularly if you have access. Look at what transactions are happening. Look for unfamiliar names, large transfers, or unusual patterns. If a caregiver or family member has access to the account, look for whether they're making withdrawals that benefit them more than your parent.

Maintain records of all financial decisions and transactions you're involved in. Who accessed the account? When? For what purpose? How much? This creates a paper trail that's valuable if problems emerge later. It also deters people from misusing accounts because they know the activity is being recorded and monitored.

Planning for the Long-Term

Financial abuse often happens when vulnerabilities exist. Your parent becomes isolated. Your parent loses mental capacity. Your parent becomes financially dependent. Your parent is grieving and vulnerable after losing a spouse. Understanding your parent's vulnerabilities helps you anticipate where problems might emerge.

Isolation is a big one. If your parent has limited contact with people who care about their wellbeing, abuse becomes easier to hide. If you live far away and only see your parent occasionally, a caregiver or family member living with your parent has much more opportunity to misuse funds. Maintain contact with your parent. Know what's happening in your parent's day-to-day life. Know who has access to your parent's home and resources.

Talk to other family members about your parent's finances. This isn't breaking confidentiality. It's making sure that if financial abuse is happening, someone notices. If only one person is monitoring your parent's accounts, that person might be the abuser. If multiple family members are aware of your parent's finances, problems become harder to hide.

If your parent is in a facility like assisted living or a nursing home, understand their policies about money and residents. Can residents access their own accounts? Does the facility hold money? Who's responsible for paying bills? Facilities vary in their practices, and understanding the system is important.

If a caregiver has access to your parent's accounts or funds, establish clear protocols. Document what the caregiver is allowed to spend. Have regular check-ins about expenses. Review accounts regularly. This isn't about being mistrustful. It's about creating accountability that protects both your parent and the caregiver.

If your parent has named someone power of attorney or given someone financial authority, understand what that actually means. Does that person have unlimited access to all accounts, or limited access to specific purposes? Is that person required to account for how they spend your parent's money, or do they have discretion? Do you trust that person completely, or should you monitor their actions? These are the real questions about financial authority, not just who has the legal documents.

Establish a system where someone who cares about your parent is checking in regularly. Not suspiciously, not intrusively. Just regular contact. "Hi Mom, how are you doing? Any bills you need help with? Everything going okay with your money?" That simple conversation, happening regularly, makes financial abuse much harder to perpetrate because somebody's paying attention.

Financial abuse happens because your parent's money is vulnerable. Your parent doesn't understand a financial situation. Your parent has limited oversight. Your parent trusts the wrong person. Your parent's family isn't paying attention. You can't prevent financial abuse entirely, but you can make it much harder to happen by understanding your parent's finances, maintaining oversight, and establishing systems where someone who cares is regularly checking in.

How To Help Your Elders is an educational resource. We do not provide medical, legal, or financial advice. The information in this article is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation. If you are concerned about a loved one's cognitive health or safety, consult with their healthcare provider or contact your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance and support.