Pet care and elderly parents — the companion animal consideration

This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. Please consult appropriate professionals for guidance specific to your situation.

The decision about what to do with your parent's pet is often the hardest part of an aging transition, and people rarely see it coming. You're planning the move to assisted living or to your spare bedroom, and then you realize that your parent has a dog. Or a cat. Or a bird. Something alive that depends on them. Something that your parent loves and that loves your parent back. And suddenly the whole plan gets complicated.

Your parent's pet isn't just a pet. It's probably a daily responsibility that gives their life structure. It's something warm to hold when they're lonely. It's something that needs them, that makes them feel needed. It's part of their identity. They're not just "a person aging out of their home," they're "the person who takes care of Molly," and if Molly goes, something fundamental shifts.

But here's the hard part: caring for a pet when you're aging in place can be dangerous and unsustainable, and figuring out when and how to acknowledge that is one of the most fraught decisions families have to make.

The research on pets and aging is genuinely positive. Pets lower stress, reduce depression, encourage activity, and provide companionship. Some studies show that pet owners have lower blood pressure and longer lifespans. Pets are genuinely good for people. But pets also require care, and for some aging people, that care becomes unsafe or impossible.

Pet as Anchor to Independence

For many older people, their pet is the thing that keeps them connected to purpose and independence. They have to get out of bed to feed the cat. They have to walk the dog, which gets them moving and outside, which prevents isolation. They have to manage vet appointments and buy food and supplies, which keeps them engaged with the outside world. The pet is almost incidental to all of that. What matters is that the pet requires something from them.

Losing the pet becomes losing that purpose. Your parent's day becomes less structured. Their motivation to get up and move diminishes. Some older people spiral into depression when they lose a pet because the daily responsibility that organized their life is gone. Even if they have family trying to provide support, it doesn't replace that specific relationship with the pet.

The emotional connection is real too. Some older people have pets that have been with them for over a decade. They've lived together through life changes, losses, illnesses. The pet is connected to memories and identity in ways that are hard to explain to people who haven't had that experience. Your parent might be willing to accept a lot of other losses about aging, but losing their pet might be the thing that breaks them.

That said, caring for a pet when your parent can't safely do it anymore is also real, and it creates situations that are genuinely dangerous. Your parent might be falling while trying to take the dog out. They might be forgetting to feed the pet. They might be unable to afford medical care for the pet. They might be unable to reach down to pick up food that the dog has scattered on the floor. The pet might be causing safety issues, like tripping hazards or creating hygiene problems.

Practical Pet Challenges

The physical demands of pet care can become impossible as people age. Walking a dog when you have arthritis or balance problems is risky. Picking a cat up and holding it when your arms are weak is hard. Bending down to fill water bowls becomes dangerous if you have dizziness or balance issues. Some older people have pets that are larger and more energetic than they can safely manage.

Vet care becomes complicated. Your parent might have a pet that needs regular vet visits, medications, or procedures. If your parent can't drive, getting to the vet becomes an extra errand for you. If the pet needs expensive care, your parent might not be able to afford it. Some older people have to choose between their own medical care and their pet's medical care because resources are limited.

Hygiene and cleanliness become issues. Some older people can't clean up after their pets the way they used to. The litter box doesn't get cleaned properly. Accidents on the carpet aren't cleaned up. If your parent has incontinence issues, it's hard to manage their own hygiene plus a pet's. The house can become unhealthy, and the smells and messes can be demoralizing for your parent.

Behavior changes in pets can happen as the relationship shifts. A dog that was well-behaved when your parent was more active might start acting out when they're home all day. The pet can pick up on your parent's anxiety and depression. Some dogs become protective or aggressive as they age or sense their owner's decline. Some cats become destructive out of stress or changing litter box situations. These behavioral problems can make the situation even more challenging.

Safety with pets becomes a real issue. A dog that wants to go outside at 3 AM, when your parent might be confused or unsteady, creates a fall risk. A cat that weaves between legs becomes a tripping hazard. A dog that hasn't been trained and pulls on the leash can knock an unsteady older person down. Some pets that were safe when your parent was healthier become genuine hazards as your parent's mobility or cognition declines.

When a Pet Can't Stay

Making the decision that a pet has to go is one of the worst decisions in caregiving. Some families know this is coming for a long time and have time to plan. Others reach a crisis point where they have to move quickly. Either way, it's heartbreaking, and you need to be as gentle and thoughtful about it as possible.

The first option is finding the pet a home with family or friends. Someone your parent knows, ideally. Your parent might be more willing to let the pet go if they know exactly where it's going and that they can maybe visit or get updates. This can be wonderful if you can make it happen, but it's not always possible. Not everyone wants to take on an older pet.

If no family or friends can take the pet, animal shelters are the next option. Some shelters are better than others. Some take older animals and find them good homes. Some are so full that they can't guarantee good outcomes. It's worth asking questions about what happens to pets that come to the shelter. Some animal rescue organizations specialize in particular breeds or types of animals and might be better options than a general shelter. If cost is an issue, many shelters don't charge surrender fees, especially for animals that are already being cared for well.

Your parent's vet might have suggestions. They might know people who work with animals, or they might know other clients who would adopt the pet. Breed-specific rescues exist for many types of dogs. Online communities exist for people looking to rehome pets. Some people approach it like they're finding the pet a new best friend, not abandoning it, and that reframing can help.

What makes this even harder is that some older people feel genuine shame about not being able to keep their pet anymore. They feel like they've failed the animal. They feel like they're betraying something sacred. You need to be gentle about this, both with yourself and with your parent. The goal isn't to make your parent feel worse. The goal is to make sure the pet is cared for and to honor the relationship that existed.

Some families allow their parent to keep a pet even into assisted living or other settings, with the understanding that the facility or the family will help with care. This is wonderful if it's possible. Some facilities welcome pets. Some allow them in certain areas. Some allow visiting pets even if they don't allow residents to have pets. If keeping the pet is truly important to your parent, this might be worth negotiating and planning for, but it requires support and resources.

The grief that happens when a pet has to go is real and significant. Some people act like it's not a big deal and try to get over it quickly. But your parent might need to grieve, and they might need your validation that this is a real loss. Acknowledging that loss, even while understanding that it was necessary, is important. Some families do something small to mark the pet's importance: looking at photos together, talking about favorite memories, writing a note about what the pet meant to them. These small rituals can help with the grief.

This whole situation sits at the intersection of several hard truths about aging. The truth that your parent can't always do what they used to do. The truth that sometimes what's best for everyone, including the pet, isn't what your parent wants. The truth that sometimes caregiving means making decisions that feel like betrayal but are actually the most loving thing you can do. It's a lot to hold at once. But there's one thing you can do that helps with all of it: be honest and gentle with your parent about what's happening. Let them know you understand what this loss means. Make sure they know that the decision is about safety and care, not about their worth or their love for the animal. And then, as they move forward, you stay there with them, helping them find ways to keep the connection alive even though the daily caregiving is gone.

How To Help Your Elders provides educational content for family caregivers. This is not a substitute for professional medical, legal, or financial advice. Every family situation is different ; what works for one may not work for another.