Real estate decisions — selling the house, keeping the house, renting the house

This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. Every family situation is different, and you should consult with appropriate professionals about your specific circumstances.

The conversation usually starts like this: your parent is in their 80s, maybe showing some signs of needing help. Suddenly you're thinking about their house. Maybe they can't manage the stairs anymore. Maybe the maintenance is becoming overwhelming. Maybe you're wondering if that equity sitting in the walls could help pay for care. You find yourself lying awake at 2 AM, running the numbers in your head, and it makes you feel guilty for even thinking it.

Here's what matters right now: you're not being callous by considering this. Your parent's home is one of their largest assets, and decisions about it are genuinely consequential for their financial future. You're thinking about it because it matters.

The house isn't just a house, though. It's where your parent has built memories, maybe where they raised you. It's identity and safety and independence all wrapped together. That emotional weight is real and legitimate. But so are the practical questions: Can your parent afford to stay there? Will they want to? What happens to that house if they need long-term care? These aren't cold calculations. They're part of loving someone well.

Let's talk through what you actually need to know before any decision gets made.

Understanding the Basics

The house represents three different things happening at once, and it helps to untangle them. First, there's the financial piece: equity, taxes, selling costs, and what that money means for care funding. Second, there's the practical piece: can your parent physically stay in the house as they age, or will modifications become necessary or prohibitively expensive? Third, there's the care piece: will someone be providing care in the home, or is your parent likely to move to a facility?

When most adult children start thinking about a parent's house, they're usually focused on one concern: "Will this house need to be sold to pay for care?" That's understandable, but it's not actually the first question. The first question is simpler: "Does my parent want to stay in this house?"

If the answer is yes, and your parent is physically and cognitively able to manage it, then the conversation shifts. You're looking at maintenance costs, property taxes, insurance, utilities, and yard work. An older person living alone might spend $4,000 to $8,000 annually on just the care and upkeep of a single-family home, depending on its age and condition. Is your parent's retirement income comfortable enough to absorb that? Is there someone who can handle the physical work when their energy fades?

If the answer is no, or if the practical barriers become too high, then you're looking at options. Each option carries different implications for your parent's care and finances.

Your Parent's Specific Situation

Start by asking your parent directly what they want. This conversation is easier if you approach it as genuine curiosity rather than an agenda. "Mom, I've been thinking about the house as you think about what's next for you. What do you imagine? Do you want to stay here?" Listen to the answer before you jump to logistics.

You'll need a clear picture of the house itself. What is it worth? You don't need a professional appraisal yet, but check recent sales of comparable homes in your parent's area, or ask a local real estate agent for a rough estimate. What is the mortgage situation? Is it paid off, or is there still a loan? If there's a loan, how much is left, what's the rate, and what are the monthly payments?

Then understand the condition. Is the house in good repair, or does it need work? A house that needs a new roof or has electrical problems will be harder to sell quickly and will require money to fix before a sale. Would your parent need major modifications to stay comfortable as mobility changes? A bathroom on the main floor matters. Stairs become a real problem. The cost of installing a chair lift or reconfiguring a bathroom can range from $3,000 to $20,000, and sometimes it's money spent on a place your parent might not even be able to stay in long-term.

Document your parent's actual numbers. Get a list of all properties they own. If you don't have access, ask directly. Find out what income they're living on currently and what their monthly expenses are. This is easier if your parent is willing to share, and it's much better if they include you in the conversation while they're able to do so.

Finally, understand your parent's preferences and any medical predictions. Is your parent stating clearly that they want to leave the house and move somewhere with fewer responsibilities? Or are they determined to stay no matter what? Have they had conversations with their doctor about their likely trajectory? Someone with early-stage dementia needs a very different plan than someone who's physically declining but cognitively sharp. Someone who's 68 and healthy might have a 30-year timeline. Someone who's 92 with significant health problems might not.

Three Realistic Paths

Selling the house is straightforward in concept but complicated in execution. Your parent receives the proceeds minus the real estate agent's commission, typically five to six percent, plus any capital gains tax owed and closing costs. For a $400,000 home, this might net $350,000 to $370,000 after all costs, depending on how long your parent owned it and whether there's capital gains tax owed. That money then becomes part of their asset picture for care planning. If your parent needs Medicaid later, there are specific rules about how recently a house was sold and where the money went, so the timing matters.

The reality of selling: your parent probably doesn't have the emotional energy to manage an open house or negotiate with buyers. If they're dealing with health changes or grief, selling can feel impossible. You'd likely need to manage the process, which means coordinating with agents, contractors for repairs, inspections, and closings. It's a lot of coordination. If your parent is still living in the house while it's listed, they'll need to keep it showing-ready, which is genuinely hard work for someone with limited energy.

Keeping the house and staying there is viable if your parent has sufficient income and assets to cover the ongoing costs without putting themselves at risk. The advantage is obvious: no disruption, continuity, control. The disadvantage is the increasing likelihood that the house won't work for aging in place. Eventually, your parent might need 24-hour care, which is very expensive to deliver in a home. They might need a facility. If they stay in the house while needing care, you're adding expensive in-home care or multiple family members providing care. Some families make this work beautifully. Others find themselves stretched too thin, with a parent still in the house but unhappy because they're not getting good care, and family members burned out from trying to provide it.

Renting out the house is an option fewer families consider, but it can work in specific situations. Your parent gets a monthly income stream, and the property might appreciate over time. But landlording is active work. You'll need to handle tenant screening, lease management, maintenance coordination, and taxes. The house will need to be in decent condition to attract tenants. You'll owe income tax on the rental income. If the house is in a state with tenant-friendly laws, you'll have protections as a landlord, but you'll also have less flexibility if you need to sell quickly later. Most importantly, if your parent needs care in two years and the house could have been sold to help fund it, keeping it as a rental might mean you don't have that option.

Taking Next Steps

Before anything changes, you need to talk with three people: your parent, an attorney, and ideally a financial advisor who understands elder care planning.

Your parent needs to think through what they actually want, not what they think they should want or what they think will be best financially. If keeping the house matters emotionally, that's a legitimate factor. If the upkeep is making them anxious, that matters too. This conversation is easier if your parent can articulate it now, while they're able, rather than you making assumptions later.

An attorney matters because of what happens next. If your parent is considering selling or renting, they need a lawyer to handle the transaction properly and explain the tax implications. More importantly, if there's any possibility that your parent might need Medicaid down the road, selling a house at the wrong time or in the wrong way can create problems. Medicaid has a look-back period, which means it examines financial transactions from the prior few years. If your parent sells the house and gives away the proceeds, Medicaid might penalize them. A qualified elder law attorney in your state can advise you on how to handle a house sale strategically, timing the sale properly, and managing the proceeds so your parent is protected.

A financial advisor who specializes in elder care planning can help you project your parent's needs and assets. Will the house sale be necessary to fund care, or is your parent's other retirement income sufficient? If the house needs to be sold eventually, is now the right time, or should you wait? What tax implications exist? What happens to your parent's surviving spouse if your parent dies and there's a house sale in progress?

The timeline depends on your parent's situation. If your parent is already struggling to manage the house, the timeline might be months. If your parent is managing fine but you're looking ahead, you have more time to research and plan. If your parent's health is declining rapidly, you might be making this decision faster than feels comfortable. That's okay. You're doing this because it matters, and you're doing it as thoughtfully as you can.

The Real Conversation

Here's what adult children often worry about that's worth naming: you might feel like you're thinking about selling your parent's house for money to fund their care. That might feel mercenary. It's not. Your parent's asset that happens to be a house is legitimately part of the funding picture for their care. Managing that asset responsibly is part of loving them well. You're not being cruel by thinking about this. You're being realistic.

What matters is that your parent feels heard, that decisions are made together when possible, and that you're not making this choice without understanding what the house means to your parent. Some people with significant dementia can't tell you anymore what they want. Some people are clear about it. Some people change their minds. You do your best with what you know and what your parent can tell you.

The house is probably the biggest asset your parent owns. Being thoughtful about it is exactly what you should be doing.

How To Help Your Elders is an educational resource. We do not provide medical, legal, or financial advice. The information in this article is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation. If you are concerned about a loved one's cognitive health or safety, consult with their healthcare provider or contact your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance and support.