The executor role — what it actually involves

This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. Every family situation is different, and you should consult with appropriate professionals about your specific circumstances.

Your parent named you as executor in the will. Executor means you're the person who manages your parent's estate after your parent dies. You're the one who settles your parent's affairs. You're the one who makes sure the will is followed, bills are paid, taxes are filed, and money gets distributed to who it's supposed to go to.

It sounds like a simple thing. It's not. Being an executor is work. It's months of work, usually. Sometimes it's years of work if the estate is complicated. It requires attention to detail, willingness to deal with bureaucracy, ability to handle conflict, and some financial knowledge or at least comfort learning financial things.

Your parent chose you because your parent thinks you can do this. Your parent might have chosen you because you're the oldest, or because you're detail-oriented, or because you're good at managing things, or just because you're someone your parent trusts. Your parent didn't choose you to punish you. They chose you because they think you can handle it.

But you should understand before your parent dies what you're actually taking on. And you should feel free to talk to your parent about whether this is something you actually want to do. If it's not, you can ask your parent to choose someone else. You don't have to accept the executor role just because it's written in the will. You can step down after your parent dies, too, though that creates complications. But ideally you figure this out before your parent dies.

Understanding what the role involves is the first step. Some of what the executor does is straightforward. Some of it is tedious. Some of it is emotionally hard. All of it is important.

Understanding the Basics

When your parent dies, the executor's job is to prove the will is valid and find someone to manage the probate process or do the work directly. If the will goes through probate, the court oversees things and there are formal procedures. If the will doesn't go through probate because the estate is small or because there's a trust, the executor still has to settle the estate, but without court involvement.

Your first job is to locate and secure your parent's will and other important documents. You need the original will. You need the death certificate. You need the property deed. You need bank statements. You need insurance policies. You need tax returns. You need everything that tells you what your parent owned and owed.

Your next job is to tell people your parent died. The bank needs to know. The insurance companies need to know. The Social Security Administration needs to know. The utility companies need to know. The mortgage company needs to know if there's a mortgage. You're going to spend a lot of time on the phone and in written communication telling people that your parent is dead.

You have to pay your parent's bills. This includes the last utility bill, the last insurance payment, medical bills from the final illness, the funeral bill, the attorney bill, any other debts. Some of these you pay out of your parent's account. Some of them you might pay from your own pocket temporarily, and then the estate reimburses you.

You have to file your parent's final income tax return. You have to pay any taxes that are owed. If your parent's estate is large, you might have to file an estate tax return. If your parent owned property or investments, you might have to deal with the capital gains that happen when the estate is settled.

You have to inventory everything your parent owned. This includes real property like a house, personal property like cars and jewelry, financial assets like bank accounts and investments, digital assets like online accounts, and anything else of value. You have to figure out what each thing is worth. Some of this requires appraisals. Some of it requires research. You're creating a complete picture of everything your parent owned.

You have to figure out who gets what. The will says. You're responsible for making sure what the will says actually happens. If the will says the house goes to one child and the retirement account goes to another, you're responsible for making sure that happens. If the will says assets should be distributed equally but one piece of property is worth more than others, you might have to sell some things or adjust the distribution to be fair.

You have to handle your parent's house. If the house is part of the estate and needs to be sold, you have to arrange that. If the house is going to one child and the other children have to be bought out of their share, you have to arrange that too. If the house has a mortgage, you have to figure out how that gets paid.

If your parent had business interests, you have to figure out what happens to those. Does the business get sold? Does someone take it over? This can be hugely complicated if the business is substantial.

You have to keep records of everything you do. Every time you spend money from the estate, you should have a receipt or documentation. Every time you write a check to yourself to reimburse something you paid, you should document it. Every time you distribute money to the beneficiaries, you should document it. You're going to need these records for the final accounting.

You have to provide an accounting to the beneficiaries. At the end of the process, you give the beneficiaries a detailed report of everything that came into the estate, everything that went out, where money was spent, what assets were distributed and to whom. This is a legal document in many cases. You might need to file it with the court.

You have to handle disputes. If one beneficiary thinks another beneficiary got more than they should have, you have to deal with that. If beneficiaries disagree about what the will means, you have to deal with that. If someone claims your parent was unduly influenced or didn't have capacity, you might have to defend the will.

What You Actually Do Day to Day

In the first weeks after your parent dies, you're mostly handling immediate things. You're dealing with the funeral, dealing with the death certificate, dealing with people who need to know your parent is dead. You're finding documents. You're starting to figure out what your parent owned.

You're probably also grieving. This is important. You're sad. You're overwhelmed. You're probably trying to appear competent and calm while dealing with one of the worst experiences of your life. It's a lot.

As time goes on, you shift into managing mode. You're calling banks. You're calling insurance companies. You're getting appraisals on property. You're talking to accountants and attorneys. You're researching things you didn't know you'd need to know. You're making decisions about how to distribute assets or whether to sell property.

If the estate goes through probate, you're going to court or at least dealing with court paperwork. You're submitting the will for probate. You're paying probate fees. You're waiting for the court to say things can move forward. You're filing paperwork with the court. You're keeping track of court deadlines.

If the estate doesn't go through probate, you're handling things more directly, but you still have to follow the law. You still have to account for what happened to the assets. You still have to make sure taxes are paid. You still have to make sure beneficiaries get what they're supposed to get.

You're also dealing with the weirdness of settling someone's life. You're probably going through your parent's house. You're finding papers, photos, personal effects. You're deciding what to keep, what to give away, what to sell, what to throw out. This is emotional work on top of the practical work.

You might be dealing with challenging family dynamics. You might be dealing with beneficiaries who think you're not doing things right, or who are impatient, or who disagree with each other. You might be dealing with your own feelings about what your parent left you and how that compares to what they left your siblings.

Over months, hopefully a year or so, you get through the process. The bills are paid. The house is dealt with. The taxes are filed. The assets are distributed. You give your final accounting to the beneficiaries. The estate is closed. You're done.

What Makes the Job Harder

If the estate is complicated, the job is harder. If your parent had a business, held properties, had investments, had a complicated financial situation, settling it takes more time and more expertise. You might need to hire an accountant, a tax attorney, a real estate agent. These people charge fees, and their fees come out of the estate before the beneficiaries inherit anything.

If your parent died without a will, the job is much harder. Without a will, there's no clear direction about who gets what. The state law decides. You still have to do all the work of settling the estate, but you're doing it without any guidance from your parent about what your parent wanted.

If there are beneficiaries who are angry or difficult, the job is harder. If you're dealing with someone who doesn't agree with how you're distributing assets, or who thinks you're not doing things fairly, you might end up in conflict or even litigation. If you have to defend the will in court, the job becomes much bigger.

If your parent's finances were a mess, the job is harder. If your parent didn't keep good records, or if there are debts you didn't know about, or if financial records are unclear, figuring out what's what takes longer.

If your parent had real property in multiple states, the job is harder. You might have to deal with probate in multiple states, or at least deal with selling or transferring property in multiple states. This adds complexity and usually requires professional help.

If there's substantial debt, the job is harder. If your parent's debts exceed the assets, you have to figure out what gets paid and what doesn't. If there's money still owed on the house, or on a car, or on credit cards, those have to be dealt with. Creditors might make claims against the estate.

Getting Help

You don't have to do this alone. If the estate is simple, you might be able to do most of it yourself. But many executors hire help. You can hire an attorney who specializes in probate to guide you through the process. You can hire an accountant to help with taxes. You can hire a real estate agent to help sell property.

You can also hire a professional executor if you don't want to do the work. Some institutions, like banks or trust companies, will act as executor for a fee. Some attorneys will act as executor. This costs money, but it's an option if the job feels like too much.

You should also tell the court or your parent's attorney that you're the executor. Getting copies of the death certificate. Opening an estate bank account. Filing paperwork. These things are easier when you have professional guidance. Don't try to figure all this out on your own.

You should also communicate with the beneficiaries. Let them know you're the executor. Let them know what you're doing and when they can expect to receive their inheritance. Keep them informed. If you keep secrets or don't communicate, beneficiaries get anxious and suspicious. Communication helps prevent conflict.

The Real Part

This job is hard. It's emotionally hard because it means your parent is really dead and you're dealing with the end of your parent's life. It's practically hard because it involves learning to do things you've never done before. It's relationally hard because you're managing money and property in ways that affect family members and that might create conflict.

Some people are grateful for the role. They're glad they have clear work to do. They're glad to make sure their parent's wishes are honored. They're glad to be the person their parent trusted.

Some people resent it. They feel burdened. They feel like they're doing work that the other beneficiaries benefit from without appreciating what you did.

Both of those feelings are legitimate. The job is real, and it deserves acknowledgment. If your parent named you executor, your parent probably knew it would be work and trusted you to do it anyway. That's a specific kind of responsibility and honor.

If you don't want to be executor, you don't have to be. You can decline. You can ask another family member to do it instead. You can ask a professional. But if you do take on the job, understand what you're taking on. It's not a ceremonial role. It's real work with real responsibility.

How To Help Your Elders is an educational resource. We do not provide medical, legal, or financial advice. The information in this article is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation. If you are concerned about a loved one's cognitive health or safety, consult with their healthcare provider or contact your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance and support.